The Around-The-World-Ticket Douchebag
Dear Around-The-World-Ticket Douchebag,
I hate you. You might not realise it but I do. I might feign enthusiasm when you tell me with dreamy eyes about the three weeks that you've spent in India, the three months in South East Asia getting smashed every single night with your best friend and, because you wanted to be different from all the other douchebags like you, the four-week organised tour that you are going to start in China, everything is planned, you don't want to spend a cent because everything has been paid for already back home and by the time you tell me, with lips tightly closed and nodding wisely, that you will teach English in a remote Chinese village pretending that you are a good person because of that, I just want to roll your mullet in my hand and smash that pill-popping, empty-stared, twenty-two year old face of yours against the wall. I write this in English so that next time I'll meet you I will not waste my time anymore with you pretending to be polite, I'll just send you here so you can measure the extent of my spite. You are the scum of the travelling world and you don't even realise it, you are going to see the marvels of this earth but they will leave no trace in your ersatz soul, your time would have been better invested watching some National Geographic's documentary whilst getting drunk on your parents' black leather couch, at least you would have not aimlessly polluted flying around the globe and you would not upset anyone like me with your silly face. To make things worse, you are a man and you have a hairdo, not only, you also have long hairy sideburns: in your country of origin it should be forbidden for men to have a hairdo (unless you come from Japan in which case we might close an eye) and exporting that corny look of yours abroad would call for the death penalty in my book. I'm pretty sure that in your oversized backpack you found some room for a miniature blow dryer and hair spray. Shame. On. You. So now, dear Around-The-World-Ticket Douchebag, why don't you leave me alone and piss off with your stupid Vang Vieng wifebeater?